So there I was at a banquet following the rather ostentatious display of power by the provincial party chief. He sat, arms draped on the armrests of the sumptuous sofa, legs crossed, beaming invisible rays of power representing the Party. I think the real secret behind China's growth is this invisible power ray. He could have been Chairman Mao himself.
And then the banquet started.
Me: excuse me, could you tell them I don't eat meat?
Ball breaking bitch: I don't speak Chinese
Me: sorry. I thought you did, since you were reading the labels off that bottle of Vitamin C, or possibly melamine
BBB: oh, Korean and Chinese share characters
Me: right
BBB: so name me the best funds
Me (thinking): fuck you, rude bitch, I started last week and we don't even work at the same firm
Sadly for her I have a pachyderm's memory so when she crosses my path again she is toast.
So, I turn to the other woman, with a kindly face and buck teeth. (Don't I have a gift for narration rivaling Sir Vidia?)
Me: I am vegetarian
She: can you eat meat?
Me: no
She: can you eat fish?
Me: no
She: Muslim food?
Me: that is not exactly an exclusive set (of course I did not say that)
She: ok, no problem, but you don't mind lard, right?
Me: perhaps a bowl of rice with a side of melamine
I left the banquet to have the worst possible dish at the restaurant at a different level of the hotel: Tofu. I did not ask what they used to fry it.
1 comment:
hehe poor baby!
the only thing i could think of when it came to kindly face and "buck teeth"- poorly developed buccinators intermingling with the orbicularis oris, short upper lip and a class 2 profile- life sucks!
write me some more- does wonders to my appreaciation of good ol kreb and his TCA cycle!
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