The Tea Test

Recently, I was trying to get fresh with a woman with whom I was not on a date. We were just discussing some real estate propositions, when other kinds popped up in my head. You have to always have an open mind, is what my mama always told me.

Anyway, I casually mentioned my open invitation to use a bungalow at a tea plantation in some place called Munaar. The girl's eyes lit up! Partly because by this time she thought I was Trump (with much better hair, I assure you) for my vast portfolio of carefully name-dropped, partially-owned assets. Much cooing and cawing followed.

But here is the dirty little secret, my beloved readers: Tea estates suck. In all those aerial shots they look great. Green. Soft. Refreshing. Romantic. Peacful. Sleepy. These clearly are some adjectives that come to mind.

Have you ever tried walking IN a tea estate? The darn shrubs poke you every which way you turn. The grim reality of dust and ciggy-butts assail your flip-flopped feet. Up this close, the green pastiche becomes more like "somewhat greenish". This must be how it feels to walk on a giant broccoli, which along with tofu and celery forms the "Satanic" food group, much beloved by mothers, doctors, people who practise colonic irrigation and other dubious parties with too much concern for you.

So dear readers, definitely avoid women who have romantic notions of tea plantations or sex on the beach. They are in dire need of a wallop from Mr. Reality. Although, I strongly suspect it should be Ms. Reality.

PS: for real tea lovers, I do recommend a visit to: http://www.twgtea.com/