An alibi for all seasons...

... and for all the wrong reasons.

Recently seen in the newspapers: Semen Allergy.

A-ha, you think, I am going to make some misogynistic and sick joke. No! Apparently some men are allergic to *their own semen*. Furthermore, this is the cause of something called "post orgasm illness". Choice excerpts include:

"Men with the condition, known as post orgasmic illness syndrome or POIS and documented in medical journals since 2002, get flu-like symptoms such as feverishness, runny nose, extreme fatigue and burning eyes immediately after they ejaculate. Symptoms can last for up to week."

"... that a treatment known as hyposensitisation therapy can help reduce its impact."

"(Men in an experiment) agreed to undergo a standard skin-prick allergy test using a diluted form of their own semen. Of those, 29, or 88 per cent, had a positive skin reaction indicating an auto-immune response, or allergic reaction."

You can see the fertile possibilities, pun very much intended, this opens up in everyday life.

Scenario 1: Conversation with Johnny, 13 years old

Parent: I know what you're up to locked up in your room. It's disgusting. You'll go blind!

Johnny: But I am just hyposensitizing myself. 

Scenario 2: Johnny's frat house at college

Co-ed chick 1: That Johnny's so weird. He threw up after we fooled around.

Co-ed chick 2: Eww. 

Johnny (eavesdropping): But I am allergic to my semen.

Chicks (chorus): We are too!!

Scenario 3: Random post-coital conversation

Female: Darling, why don't you want to cuddle?

Male: I'm feeling ill. It's not you, it's me. I think I'll roll over and sleep it off. Or maybe watch some contact sport involving masculine butt-touching.

Scenario 4: Q&A with famous, yet anonymous, celebrity blogger

Question: Why do you blog so much?

Answer: Due to my allergy, I cannot have sex, so I pour all my creative juices into writing. If not for this condition, I would of course make monkey love to all the attractive women, who, like, are attracted to me all the time, even though I never go out, exercise, shower or enunciate.

Alternative question: Why don't you blog any longer?

Answer: I am depressed, because of my allergy. It is very depressing not to be able to have sex. If not for this condition, I would of course make monkey love to all the attractive women, who, like, are attracted to me all the time, even though I never go out, exercise, shower or enunciate.

Scenario 5: Highly scientific research institution

Scientist: Now, to test you, we will prick your skin with this diluted semen

(Test subject socks the doc in the eye)