Narrow your eyes!

And furrow your brows! Concentrate!! This will be very important.

The direct consequence of yet again shutting down Facebook (generally known as "FB", though not to be confused with erstwhile expansion of FuckBuddy) is that you are left with Linkedin as your only social networking option.

You might think that this would enrich my life and stanch the flow of countless links that people *think* are interesting. Actually, no - just as kings and queens have to take a dump too, even professional networks have people who simply can't stop "sharing".

Today's article to highlight was on Unitasking.

First, the irony: I came across this link on Linkedin's "Influencer posts" while I was Alt-Tab-bing through applications on my computer, and I am not quite sure what I was going to do before I found this wonderful article.

Which is written by a "A.J. J." Apparently after unitasking on conceiving the author, his (based on there being a male face shot) parents apparently forgot to give him an appealing name, or possibly any name. Note however the period after each letter (good punctuation - it means the letter is the first of a shortened word or name). Also note the space between "J." and "J." (No, I have no idea what the fuck that means).

(His name is at the bottom)

(Yay, so much fodder and I have not even read the article yet)

(No more parentheses)

The article itself is rather excellent, I must say. I really like the idea of tying myself to my chair to avoid unnecessary walking around and consequent distraction. Too bad it won't be that easy to tie up those who walk around and annoy *me* at work. He does point to other not-so-literal ways to limit oneself from straying past the task at hand, to be fair. The "Tonya Harding" strategy of "storing your worry" in one spot and picking it up after your task is about as dumb and impractical as the Tonya Harding strategy of breaking her competitor's legs. I mean, for one thing, why would you pick it back up? The third method of literally walking while working, e.g., typing a report on a treadmill is interesting, and supposedly works by releasing serotonins. So the annoying-people-who-walk-around may be on to something, but it is useless to me unless I can somehow suck the serotonin and other goodies right out of them. I do not think I will get a patent or FDA approval for that device, which only *looks* like a heavy mallet and a large syringe, but is so much more...The final method of talking to oneself, even just about what one is doing, to calm down and focus is a bit batty, but who knows!

All of this fails to answer the question - why would anyone want to Unitask in this Multitasking world? I don't know, but all men are good at Unitasking, although it is only in the area of thinking about sex. Which leads me to think, why not combine the multiple elements of AJJ's brilliant idea as follows:

Find a pliant subject of any gender or species of your liking. Tie him / her / it up to a chair or coat hanger or frankly any appliance with wheels and set up on a treadmill. Talk to yourself, chanting "I am having sex" to relax and focus. And at the same time, do that which needs Unitasking - such as your monthly audit report or math homework or that letter to the editor.

Epilogue: I tried this, chanting "This is going to be great sex" while doing the deed and typing this blog out on my portable electronic device. I decided to forgo locomotion and bondage, taking one small step for mankind. The results were not  pretty. The upshot is, I did Unitask by whimpering in the doghouse.

PS: "Narrow Your Eyes" is of course yet another quirky track from the ever popular They Might Be Giants.