The dangers of potty training

Children these days have a whole host of things to be scared of, that geezers like me never had to face. In simpler days, I was the remote control for my family's first black-and-white TV. It was really smooth sailing for the first couple of years when there was only one channel.

Times have changed. Now, the myriad of horrors lurking to haunt the kids of this generation: Paris Hilton, Michael Jackson (of course), Geraldo, "Dubya", herpes commercials, hip hop, books (die Guttenberg, die!), J Lo's ass, J Lo's acting, J Lo's singing, carpal tunnel, edible lingerie, inedible candy and cough syrup, Wall Street, Tampax Cardboard (I don't want to know), the friendly rats of NYC, steroids in kindergarten, late night infomercials, Dr Phil, Restless Leg Syndrome, Caustic Yoda - the list goes on.

But did the NYT focus on any of these rampant scourges? No. Apparently children today are scared by automatic flushes. I say, throw the little wretches in the paddy fields to wrestle with a snake or two. Builds character, what.