What do you do when you have the chills? Grab them pills - Panadol Super Mega Ultra Extra Strength (PSMUES). The ad in the train carriages says it can help against:
-Runny nose
-Blocked nose
-Fever and headaches
Hallelujah! If only it could do something about acidity and flaccidity, it would be the villain in the Terminator movies, not some dumb-ass computer - just check out the party scene in Loonistan, (formerly known as Afghanistan). No Obams, Those Magnificent Men in Their Flying Pajamas are not happy just because you are replacing Duh-bleu.
Anyway, how can PSMUES do all those things at once, you ask? As Occam, the famous barber of Greek lore, said of pesky customers - the simplest answer is usually the correct answer. Or, as he called it, "the jugular".
I digress. The simple answer, of course is that PSMUES kills your brain cells. As we all know, what runs out of our nose is nothing but our brain cells, because it is sick of being stuck up there all the time. (Another digression: this is also why many people mistakenly imbibe spirits when ill, mistakenly believing that alcohol kills brain cells. As you can verify in the great "Book of General Ignorance" - so insultingly cheap for such an encyclopedic work, going on a 3-for-2 deal at Borders - alcohol merely slows down the growth of new brains cells).
So, what have we learned so far:
1. Bus drivers are crazy
2. Third hand smoke is dangerous, but presumably cheaper than second- or first-hand versions
3. PSMUES, will soon be your lord and savior
4. Alcohol is good
Let us reflect on that last point for a while. Well, I will, at any rate, bless the sould who invented tonic water. To be continued in la parte tricera.
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