Like Yin and Yang, there be Gin and Tonic. As you know, tonic water was invented by the good old Brits, who, it is suspected, have been drunk for as long as their race has existed. As alcohol with the cold, tonic water purportedly helped against malaria. What better way to hoodwink the annoying chaplain and have a drink in the tropical jungle of India, when not screwing over the black-skinned natives or their oppressive overlords, the (by then) pathetic House of Timur?
Which is exactly how I was fooling myself, trying to ward off a cold and, hey, just in case, the malaria as well, sitting at the Q-Bar. Had I only known of PSMUES (did I spell it right?). But as everyone knows, the French hate the British, and soon enough I was drinking some Moet. As I was playing with my dongs paying for the drinks, the new year came to pass. Yet another.
So the final lesson of this trilogy is (I always love overdelivering): when in trouble, take some PSMUES. As it kills your brain cells, quickly down a shot or something 80 proof (if you are a child below 12 years of age) or 120 proof (if you are an adult). Then lie down, as the current brain cells die, thus blocking out pain, while the new brain cells take a leisurely route to maturity, thus delaying pain recognition even further.
And if you are thinking to yourself, "there is a hole in this logic so big I could drive a bus through it", go ahead. I know a good bus driver.
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