Today, I have been utterly and totally humiliated. Insulted. I am actually contemplating hara-kiri. Surely CY, you say, that pretty uniformed girl who came over, tried first in Mandarin, then tried again in halting English with the prettiest smile to tell you. "Sir, please stand up!" as you were sitting in Beijing's finest mall could not have led you to this (people come to malls to sit. What is wrong with this country? I was disallowed from sitting in a mall!).
No, of course not, I have only moved up China to #3 on my list of places I despise.
What has deflated my fragile ego today is the infamous FB. Yes, I too want that to mean Fuck Buddy, but I of course refer to Facebook.
First, it was suggested that I become friends with a random list of strangers. If you know me - oh waittaminute you dont, haha - I have deservedly cultivated a Mr Teflon reputation (grandfather always said do not put a period after an abbreviation if it ends with the letter it originally ends with...).
Therefore after saying no to the gazillionth suggestion, FB has started suggesting I become friends with or fans of (I really don't know what it was, I was apoplectic with shock and rage) the following:
1. Oprah: If I had a sex change, gave up my job, became a trailer-park-living white trash female whose idea of a nice time includes 40-oz malt liquor for breakfast and sex with a first cousin with a handle-bar mustache, I would still kill myself first, before watching something by this barnacle on human kind's collective behind.
2. Ellen the degenerate: If I wanted to cringe everytime I saw someone whose primary income stream comes from making people cringe through lame antics, perpetual loser-dom, and generally being the point of singularity of irritation in the entire universe... well I would pre-empt that by killing myself.
At that point, I of course shut down the PC and immersed it in a bucket of pure bleach.
Now, if you were to become a fan of something, I recommend They Might Be Giants.
PS: follow the lyrics.
3 comments:
FB can be annoying with the 'recommendations'. I went completely apeshit when I got 300+ 'FB notifications' in my inbox. I've now blocked FB from my inbox.
Pffft....
Speaking of which, you can expand on your 'link list' in the following manner.
1. Log into Blogger. (Don't ask me how, I'll dig my eyes out with a fork. Have mercy)
2. At the dashboard (listing of all your blog websites), look out for the "Layout" button.
3. Click on "Layout" button.
4. Scroll down the page and look for the box that says "Links". I think it should be on the right side for your blog.
5. Click on "Links". It will open an online form.
6. Insert weblink and URL.
7. Click Save.
8. You're done.
9. Call me about that bottle of wine. ;)
Never mind the bottle of wine. you can't set yourself up for bitchy comments by posting these retro videos with corny lyrics.
;)
~div
PS: Everybody knows that "Chocolate Starfish and the Hotdog Flavoured Water" is the single most profound song in recent memory.
wasn't that limp bizkit? how do i know this?
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