In this chaotic little town in southern India called Chidambaram, I
learned a deep dark secret from a sarcastic female: Celine Dion is
much more evil than I had ever thought.
You all know her, she tortured many of you - especially the men -
whining that darn song in the "Titanic". In concerts she looks like
her every muscle and sinew is straining itself to impart equally
horrendous pain on all and sundry. Imagine her with a conical hat, and
that elongated nose-to-jaw profile is clearly that of a witch - the
wicked witch of the (French Canadian) east.
Anyway it was revealed to me over a cup of coffee at Chid's social
capital of a restaurant: women apparently love Celine Dion's songs
when they menstruate. This is so obvious a sign of why the world
becomes a dark place for all during those few days.
But that apart, think of the marketing genius here. For a week a
month, women will listen to "Always love you" on repeat and enforced
by the right end of a revolver, if necessary. This is like cornering the
wholesale market for some vile addictive drug. There is of course a
cartel of which Dion is but a solitary member, but thankfully I have
built a wall of ignorance and refuse to learn the names of any whiny
singers. I just call them by my own orginally made up names. I am
afraid I cannot reveal those for legal reasons.
Where are the authorities when you need them?
Sent from my iPhone
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