In shock!

Usually, encounters with women leave me stirred, but recently one left me shaken. On a flight, as I requested for two of something, the stewardess ignored the female seated on my right. She later was heard profusely apologizing to that female, saying she had inadvertently assumed we were a couple. I pretended to be asleep, but needless to say, reader, I was shocked!

1. Since when did I start looking remotely "committed", forget "married"? The facts are: I do not wear a ring (or have a "ring-tan line"); have a full head of hair; have my libido intact (though that is not obvious, and made painfully clear); and I work out and wear clean underwear, just in case I get laid or am caught in my underpants on national TV. In fact, I have a pre-nup with a clause that I am a) allowed to look good forever b) not ever allowed to answer the question "Honey, do I/does my ass look fat in this?" and c) allowed to keep a loaded shotgun by my bedside, and also a spare set of batteries.

2. Assuming that I do look like the married/committed sort, what does the episode mean? Do I look considerate or henpecked? Would I have led to additional stereotyping had I asked for a misogynistic-sounding alcoholic drink such as "Bloody Mary"? Would the Pope approve? Do I care?

3. Do I have to rent a baby, or at least a little dog, to overcome this handicap of the "married look", which I assume is costing me a gazillion romantic encounters? Is there a money-back guarantee for these arrangements? Has anyone run a controlled, double-blind, doubly-dumb statistically significant study as to the veracity of the oft-repeated claim that chicks just dig men in the park walking a dog or looking sufficiently awkward and helpless carrying a diaper-clad monster? What is Snopes doing about this?

4. Why did not the woman, of whom I could not get a closer look, blush, blanch, or display any sign of embarassment? What could *that* possibly mean? Is there a market  for me here to act as "stand-in date/husband"? E.g., lesbians, unmarried women, corporate wenches and others who need a vanilla male companion to divert suspicion or avoid being hounded? Would that role involve free cocktails? And will there be any sex, or as the smart people call it, "upside"?

5. Why did not the *other* woman sitting to my other side, who should have expressed some interest in the whole affair, display none?

6.